ABOUT MY BLOG
Being in the Middle
It took me one full year to see the results of my efforts. Weeks dragged on and I grew frustrated with myself as I saw no visible improvements in my health. I so desperately wanted to feel good about myself for once, and I loathed feeling alien in my own skin. It took me a long time to be honest about my struggles with body dysmorphia, disordered eating, and unhealthy perceptions of exercise. But as my journey continues I hope that you’ll join me, and realize that fitness is truly transparent- you do not have to be an Instagram influencer or supermodel to feel confident in the gym, make healthy lifestyle choices, and most importantly- radiate your beauty for others to see!
I grew up as a competitive dancer my entire life and currently dance on my college dance team (as captain this year!). Although dance is one of the greatest highlights of my life and has become a part of my identity, it breaks my heart to admit that dancing also fostered my greatest personal sufferings- an obscenely skewed perception of my body, accompanied with extremely restrictive eating habits.
At first glance no one would look at me and think that I was the girl eating 600-700 calories a day, weighing myself 6 and 7 times a day, giving myself a unforgiving guilt trip for eating when I stared at myself in the mirror later on at the dance studio. Although I love my teachers and coaches dearly, I hit puberty early and had huge insecurities about my quickly developed body, and constant deprecating commentary about things I couldn’t control had me convinced that the faults of my body were completely my doing and that it was up to me to reverse the damage. I suffered in silence because I felt that unless there were visible changes, people would assume that my struggles were exaggerated or simply untrue. Because I looked "fine" on the outside, no one knew how severe my mental health was being affected on the inside.
I finally hit a wall in 2021, and realized that my obsession with being "skinny" was never going to bring me true health. I slowly began transitioning my mentality towards focusing on strength. I watched videos, read articles, and started to weight lift in the gym. Finally I felt a control over my own life I had never felt before. I gain a new excitement with every personal record I make and leave the gym feeling happy and satisfied as I progress. With this new confidence I began pursuing my goals of competing in pageants, and would love to empower other women to take control of their perception of health in a way will lead them to confidence and happiness. My goal is to help other women who have always found themselves in the "middle", who struggle with self image and the toxicity of comparison culture, to feel confident in themselves and craft a new outlook on health and fitness!